English Club - Foreign Trade University

Mình cần tìm một người check writing IELTS qua mạng ( sinh viên cũng được) cho một nhóm bạn khoảng 9 người.Trình độ đều tầm >=inter. Yêu cầu của mình là đã thi IELTS và có mức điểm writing ổn ổn 1 chút( >7.5 is OK , 7 is enough) . Mình sẽ gửi bài vào email cho bạn và bạn check rồi gửi lại thôi, không cần phải qua chỗ bọn mình. Bọn mình có một khoản “bồi dưỡng” nhưng không cao đâu(vì nhóm tự học mà , chắc cũng tầm >500k/tháng ^^) :k3:


. Ai quan tâm liên hệ qua YM: pleasenotloveme hoặc qua đt: 0169 853 2400
( Minh) nhé! Thanks for reading

Đây là bài chữa cuar một bạn :

click

Thấy có bạn kêu vào đây lập topic, thể nào cũng có cao nhân vào chém gió :-D ,

now , i'm waiting ^^

Có 2 vấn đề:

1. Liệu có nhất thiết phải đúng là người học Ielts? Trong CLB nhiều người cũng có chứng chỉ khác bạn ạ. Theo như cái sample bạn upload thì mình thấy vẫn có nhiều lỗi cơ bản và nói chung là học chứng chỉ gì cũng có thể comment được. Cho nên bạn có thể post lên đây và mọi người check không tính chi phí.

2. Nếu bắt buộc là private tutor thì chờ mình confirm bạn Bách sẽ thông báo lại cho bạn contact nhé =]

Ah thấy cả topic này ở bên ttvnonl =]

So , check this essay for me , if you don't mind ^^


Topic: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers ?

In today’s rapidly developing society, people are likely to stick their adult lives to a certain job. Consequently, whether people really satisfy with their jobs reflects their fulfilment of lives. Therefore, it is essential to find out the causes as well as the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers in reality.

It is my conviction that attitude of an individual towards his job is heavily dependent on numerous factors, with the two most influential being rate of pay and happiness in job itself. It appears that the former element is the main reason for people to work, thus affecting directly their rate of satisfaction of work. Apparently, people salary contributes to income of their family and that is vital for the livings of all members. For that reason, an individual will be pleasure when his earnings is sufficient for his family. Furthermore, the latter factor also plays a significant role to some extent. The reality is that many people are working for themselves, not only for their family. They treasure the dignity of work and are willing to devote their life for career. The so-called “ workaholic” reflects those who are addicted to work. In another word, they are fully satisfied with their job.

As regard to the matter of expectation at work for all workers, it can not be denied that many people are unsatisfied with what they are paid for and the job itself. In reality, money, certainly, is not the only element that an individual anticipate. There are many other external principles affecting their satisfaction at work such as subordinate-superior relationship or promotion chances. For example, people will react in a positive manner to a helpful boss who share experience with them or give them useful recommendation. Accordingly, a person possibly get an interesting job or a boring job compared to what they have anticipated.

From all the things concerned above, I strongly hold the opinion that people nowadays are working in their pursuit of income rather than personal demand.

I only got 7.5 in Ielts but I will try to help you (for this piece of writing only^^). Please excuse me if there's something not right, we can discuss about that of course :D

Here goes:

In today’s rapidly developing society, people are likely to stick their adult lives to certain jobs. That explains quite well why satisfaction with jobs reflects people's fulfilment of lives. Therefore, it is necessary to understand job satisfaction and how it is realistic for all workers.

It is my conviction that attitude of an individual towards his job is heavily dependent on numerous factors, with the two most influential being salary and happiness with the job itself. It appears that the former element directly affects the satisfaction of work. Apparently, earnings from work contribute to income of a whole family and that is vital. For that reason, an individual will be pleased when what he earns is sufficient for every member of his family. The latter factor also plays a significant role to some extent. The fact is that many people are working not only for their family because they have passion for their work and are willing to devote their lives to chosen careers. The so-called noun "workaholic" reflects those who are addicted to work, which means they are fully satisfied with their jobs literally.

It is believed that many people are dissatisfied with what they are paid for and the jobs they have so it would seem unrealistic to expect job satisfaction for all workers. In reality, money is certainly not the only element that an individual anticipate. There are many other external principles affecting their satisfaction at work such as subordinate-superior relationship or promotion chances. For example, people will react in a positive manner to a helpful boss who shares experience with them or gives them useful recommendation. Accordingly, a person will possibly get an interesting job or a boring one compared to what they have expected.

From all the things concerned above, I strongly hold the opinion that people nowadays are working in their pursuit of income rather than personal demand.

Về nội dung mình thấy đoạn trả lời câu 1 ok. Đoạn 2 và câu kết không đúng ý của bài lắm. Cái lý do thứ 2 của đoạn 1 nên chăng là desire to work?

Hope that helps :D

:). hi, im an EC-er. I dont have enough professional ability to help you check this essay but i have already read your essay and i have some comments about essay's content. :)
This is a really nice and hot topic so i think there are many problems that you can submit, right? And most of your reasons are very attractive but i think it is off topic if you are writing about what factors contribute to satisfaction. Of course this is my opinions that you can refer. I hope it will be effective to you. So, keep trying :x

I'd like to add some more corrections to Hellomotor's version. I'm not quite sure if I'm right either so of course we dont' have discussions for nothing. :)

In today’s rapidly developing society, people are likely to stick their adult lives to certain jobs. That explains quite well why satisfaction with jobs reflects people's fulfilment of lives. Therefore, it is necessary to understand what job satisfaction is and how realistic it is for all workers.

It is my conviction that attitude of an individual towards his job is heavily dependent on numerous factors, including the two most influential being salary and happiness with the job itself. It appears that the former element directly affects the satisfaction of work. Apparently, earnings from work contribute to income of a whole family and that is vital. For that reason, an individual will be pleased when how much he earns is sufficient for every member of his family. The latter factor also plays a significant role to some extent. The fact is that many people are working for not only their families but also the passion for their works and that they are willing to devote their lives to chosen careers. The so-called noun "workaholic" refers to who are addicted to work, which means they are fully satisfied with their jobs literally.

It is believed that many people are dissatisfied with their earnings and their jobs so it would seem unrealistic to expect job satisfaction for all workers. In reality, money is certainly not the only element that an individual would anticipate. There are many other external principles affecting their satisfaction at work such as subordinate-superior relationship or promotion chances. For example, people will react in a positive manner to a helpful boss who shares experience with them or gives them useful recommendation. Accordingly, a person will possibly get a more interesting job or a boring one compared to what they have expected.

From all the things concerned above, I strongly hold the opinion that people nowadays are working in their pursuit of income rather than personal demand.

in blue: parallel structures needed in the previous version

However those corrections above are only about grammars and structures. I'm not so clear about some of your ideas. I agree with Hellomotor's on this matter.

Additionally, from what I've learnt, in academic writings you should not use so many "wh" clauses being subjects and objects (chủ ngữ và tân ngữ) for example "For that reason, an individual will be pleased when how much he earns is sufficient for every member of his family." You'd better convert some of them into noun phrases.

Btw, I'm not familiar with Ielts writing tasks. I find it a bit weird that an essay has more than one issues to write about. :-s

Yes Soul's version is much better than mine :D. I completely forgot about parallel structure while checking the essay. Anyway, what is your opinion about the contents, skynet?

I wanna give some feedback on your editing
1. the so-called '...' --> true ; the word 'noun' is unnecessary

2. I don't have any better idea to develop my essay in a more convincing direction. Hence, I just copy the answer for the question how realistic it is , taken from the Cambridge IELTS 7 , test 3

Of course, not everyone enjoys their work. Hard economic realities mean that many people have little choice in a job that suits neither their skills nor their personality. Some jobs are repetitive and boring, and labour relations may be poor and lead to resentment and insecurity rather than to job satisfaction.

That's really a simple and effective way to address the task . I do like it.
Finally, thank both of you, hellomotor and Psychedelic_Soul, for helping me correct my essay.

the word 'noun' is unnecessary

Yeah I added that because I was expressing the meaning of that sentence in a different way, so yours is completely correct :).